Come Out, Come Out!

Hey little girl. It is time for you to come out. Past time for you to come out. I know the world is bright, and sort of scary, and probably colder, and different, but you'll love it I promise. You might feel comfortable in there right now, but aren't you getting a little cramped? Don't you want to spread your limbs? See colors? Taste food? Meet everyone who will love you? I know it is cozy, and maybe you feel like I do in the morning when I am just so comfortable all snuggled up in my blankets and I resent the light streaming through the window and the persistent call of my alarm clock, but it is time. It is time for us to meet. For me to hold you. For your dad to finally get to feel your weight. It is time to come. So please. Please come. 

One week

       One week until the due date. I feel like a week is far too long to wait and way too short a time to be prepared. But I don't think I'll ever feel really prepared. Our little girl just keeps growing. At the last appointment the doctor said she is measuring bigger than average, but not "scary big" he said. I don't think he realized that the word "big" associated with something that you are going to have to push out of your body is going to be frightening no matter what. But she seems healthy and that is all that matters. Sleep has turned more and more elusive as the weeks stretch on, which is probably why I finally came down with a nasty cold. I hope I get over it before she decides it is time to see the wide wide world. I can only imagine the fun of labor when I can't breathe, have a hacking cough, and a sinus headache. Even more, I want to hold our precious child without worrying that I will get her sick.
       I feel like I should have so much to say...about pregnancy, about what lies ahead, about anything, but I guess for me 9 months still isn't long enough for me to wrap my head around everything. I thought after all those long months I'd know everything I needed to about labor and babies and breastfeeding and being a mother, but it turns out I don't know anything. I need to be pushed into the pool before I can learn to swim I guess. The more I learn the more I realize that you really can't totally prepare. You never know what your experience is going to be like. So I am going to do what I can and then accept that I am NOT prepared, but trust myself that I have the strength to handle what comes, and the faith to walk forward into the unknown.

Thoughts at 36 Weeks

        This picture was actually taken at 34 weeks, but I'm too exhausted to even take another picture. I went to my 36 week appointment yesterday and the doctor said "Wow, you're really running out of room...she's just sticking straight out there isn't she." Yes. She is. My poor bellybutton looks totally abused and has turned an interesting combination of red, green, and purple. She is still super active which I am grateful for because it lets me know she is doing well in there and it keeps me company, but at the same time I feel like saying "Give it a rest! You don't need to practice Tae Bo in there. My insides weren't meant to be used as a punching bag." The doctor also said that things are progressing well and that if I went into labor he'd be fine with it. I can't believe the end is so near and we aren't even moved into our house yet and I seem to have totally forgotten everything I was told in the birthing class we took and everything that I read in the stack of books my sister gave me, and don't have a clue what I still need and what I already have. And I feel totally exhausted and on the verge of tears all day long for no apparent reason. I started crying because Brian was making funny faces at me in the car and no I was not laughing...I was literally crying. I don't know why. My poor students at school probably feel like they are walking on eggshells (not because I cry at school but because my frustration limit is reached in about 10 seconds). Today one of my students said "Guys, don't make her so mad, it might make the baby pop out." But seriously, how many times do I have to say that I don't want to see a cell phone during my class? I don't think I can be any clearer.
       I also had to remind my principal that this baby really is coming and I really won't be there to teach once she arrives so they better find someone for my class. I care about my classes and want them to have a good substitute. I'm just hoping she wants to stay inside her little punching bag for a little while longer so that we can get settled in the new house and I can have more plans for my classes at school, but whenever she gets here I will be thrilled, and exhausted, and completely lost, but so grateful for the opportunity to teach and raise and love a precious child of God.

New House (Yikes!)

 We are now officially the proud (and terrified) owners of this house in South Weber. We won't be moving in until February because the sellers are renting back from us in January. I am really excited about the house...it has pretty much everything I was looking for (though I still want to do a lot to it) including an AWESOME backyard. I am also absolutely terrified of owning a house and paying a mortgage.

Christmas Season

 Kati and I are both excited for our little Christmas presents--though they won't be coming until next year.

 I love the Christmas Season. It flew by this year, and I feel left behind, grasping for fragments.I was happy to have my parents back from Sand Diego so that we could have our traditional Christmas Eve at the Ranch. The Ranch is so festive at Christmas with greenery twined around every railing, Nativity sets placed in almost every available location, and the tall tree, covered in lights and decorations that each bring back a special memory.

 The performance of the Nativity is never more authentic than when it is performed down in the barn, amid the hay and the snow and the animals. Brian was the most angelic of the Shepherds.

 Even the littlest angel sang along.

 There's no place like home for the Holidays.

 The pinata is a newer tradition, started with our Christmases spent in Mexico on the mission. The little cousins really enjoyed themselves.

We spent Christmas day with the Porters, which was wonderful as always. It is just always over too soon. Families return home and go back to work, but there is always another Christmas around the corner. Hopefully it won't pass by so quickly next year.

November Update

 Life has been crazy. November and December are busy enough months...throw in our anniversary, Brian's birthday, pregnancy, looking at houses, offering on a house, parent teacher conferences, City Academy's book fair which I am in charge of, Sterling Scholar deadlines coming up (which I am also in charge of), musical numbers in church (really? I'm playing three musical numbers on the 23rd and singing in the choir? Does anyone really want to see or listen to me that much?) and it literally becomes a whirlwind. I don't think I've gone to the store in weeks....don't ask what we are surviving on.

 Amid all that, we have had some time to enjoy friends and family. Kati and Jeff took us to an amazing Jazz game in amazing seats. Jimmer even waved to me (or I like to think that). We then spent a fun evening with them up in Park City ...complete with a stay in a condo at The Canyons.

 

 I found time to make Brian his Birthday Breakfast, complete with the "You are Special" plate.

We also spent a wonderful Thanksgiving with family, though I didn't manage to capture any pictures of that. That wraps up November (I also cut myself some bangs, because I KNEW I wouldn't find time to make an actual hair appointment). December updates and more on houses and whatnot will be coming soon I'm sure.

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary! It's been three years and already we both forgot that it was our anniversary today. I wouldn't have remembered it at all if Kati hadn't texted me while I was at the grocery store at 6:30 p.m. and wished me a Happy Anniversary. Wow. How embarrassing. Brian was out picking up a quick dinner for us. It consoles me that he didn't remember either. We spent out anniversary sitting on the couch eating calzones. We obviously think it is really important to keep the romance alive by doing something special.... 

All joking aside though I am grateful to be married to such a wonderful guy. He makes me laugh every day, sometimes so hard that I cry. I love the interesting conversations that we can have with each other about the world, politics, religion, our future, books, movies...anything really. We don't always agree, but that is what keeps the conversation interesting. I love that he will do the dishes and the wash (even if I take issue with how he does it sometimes). I love that he lets me be me, and that he understand how much I love him, even when I nag. It's been a wonderful, adventurous, stressful, beautiful three years and with an addition on the way I'm sure the adventure and beauty will only continue. I look forward to it.