Eleanor Joyce Porter

Eleanor Joyce Porter was born at 12:41 p.m. Tuesday, March 19. She was 8 lbs. 1 oz. and 20 inches long. The experience was amazing and something I could never really have prepared for. Little Ellie was reluctant to come out into the world, so at 41 weeks I went in to be induced. I was nervous about being induced and really wanted to avoid it, but it ended up being not a bad experience. I also must say that I sure am grateful for epidurals. I wasn't set on having one, but wasn't set on going natural either. Once they started me on Pitocin, the contractions became extremely painful, and they were uneven. I would have three or four strong contractions one after the other without a minute break in between, then I would have a few minutes to rest. After about two hours of this torture, I was finally given the epidural and MAN I was glad I did. I was finally able to take a nap as my labor progressed and within about two and a half hours it was time to push. After pushing for about 20-30 minutes our beautiful little girl came into the world. For me, the epidural let me enjoy that moment without being so totally exhausted. I was able to hold and soak in the experience for about an hour before they took Ellie to be weighed and measured.

 Three generations of girls.

Brian helped out with her first bath. Someday she will learn to enjoy baths like I do.

 Ellie has a thatch of dark hair, with one very blonde streak on top. It is adorable. Surprisingly, I was born with a lot of thick black hair as well.

Brian and Ellie snoozing away...boy having a baby is exhausting isn't it Brian? 

We are so grateful that Ellie is healthy and strong and to have her as part of our family. I could stare at her all day long and not get bored. I am just blown away by her perfection, by the miracle that allows us to create this tiny human being. It truly is a divine experience to become a parent, and as exhausting as it is, the wonder and power of it all is worth it.

Come Out, Come Out!

Hey little girl. It is time for you to come out. Past time for you to come out. I know the world is bright, and sort of scary, and probably colder, and different, but you'll love it I promise. You might feel comfortable in there right now, but aren't you getting a little cramped? Don't you want to spread your limbs? See colors? Taste food? Meet everyone who will love you? I know it is cozy, and maybe you feel like I do in the morning when I am just so comfortable all snuggled up in my blankets and I resent the light streaming through the window and the persistent call of my alarm clock, but it is time. It is time for us to meet. For me to hold you. For your dad to finally get to feel your weight. It is time to come. So please. Please come. 

One week

       One week until the due date. I feel like a week is far too long to wait and way too short a time to be prepared. But I don't think I'll ever feel really prepared. Our little girl just keeps growing. At the last appointment the doctor said she is measuring bigger than average, but not "scary big" he said. I don't think he realized that the word "big" associated with something that you are going to have to push out of your body is going to be frightening no matter what. But she seems healthy and that is all that matters. Sleep has turned more and more elusive as the weeks stretch on, which is probably why I finally came down with a nasty cold. I hope I get over it before she decides it is time to see the wide wide world. I can only imagine the fun of labor when I can't breathe, have a hacking cough, and a sinus headache. Even more, I want to hold our precious child without worrying that I will get her sick.
       I feel like I should have so much to say...about pregnancy, about what lies ahead, about anything, but I guess for me 9 months still isn't long enough for me to wrap my head around everything. I thought after all those long months I'd know everything I needed to about labor and babies and breastfeeding and being a mother, but it turns out I don't know anything. I need to be pushed into the pool before I can learn to swim I guess. The more I learn the more I realize that you really can't totally prepare. You never know what your experience is going to be like. So I am going to do what I can and then accept that I am NOT prepared, but trust myself that I have the strength to handle what comes, and the faith to walk forward into the unknown.

Thoughts at 36 Weeks

        This picture was actually taken at 34 weeks, but I'm too exhausted to even take another picture. I went to my 36 week appointment yesterday and the doctor said "Wow, you're really running out of room...she's just sticking straight out there isn't she." Yes. She is. My poor bellybutton looks totally abused and has turned an interesting combination of red, green, and purple. She is still super active which I am grateful for because it lets me know she is doing well in there and it keeps me company, but at the same time I feel like saying "Give it a rest! You don't need to practice Tae Bo in there. My insides weren't meant to be used as a punching bag." The doctor also said that things are progressing well and that if I went into labor he'd be fine with it. I can't believe the end is so near and we aren't even moved into our house yet and I seem to have totally forgotten everything I was told in the birthing class we took and everything that I read in the stack of books my sister gave me, and don't have a clue what I still need and what I already have. And I feel totally exhausted and on the verge of tears all day long for no apparent reason. I started crying because Brian was making funny faces at me in the car and no I was not laughing...I was literally crying. I don't know why. My poor students at school probably feel like they are walking on eggshells (not because I cry at school but because my frustration limit is reached in about 10 seconds). Today one of my students said "Guys, don't make her so mad, it might make the baby pop out." But seriously, how many times do I have to say that I don't want to see a cell phone during my class? I don't think I can be any clearer.
       I also had to remind my principal that this baby really is coming and I really won't be there to teach once she arrives so they better find someone for my class. I care about my classes and want them to have a good substitute. I'm just hoping she wants to stay inside her little punching bag for a little while longer so that we can get settled in the new house and I can have more plans for my classes at school, but whenever she gets here I will be thrilled, and exhausted, and completely lost, but so grateful for the opportunity to teach and raise and love a precious child of God.